Mistress Kiara, Thank you so much for becoming a part of our Kink~E Family
Name and City: Mistress Kiara, Ann Arbor, Michigan
-How were you introduced to the BDSM/Fetish Lifestyle and how long have you been in practice?
MK: During My first year of college in 2005, a friend said she was getting into phone sex and asked if I would like to join her. I talked to the head of the company and said to her, “that’s not really My thing, but what about Domination phone sex?” and it all went from there… I learned more about the different things I did and didn’t enjoy as well as the names of the fetishes I had enjoyed privately for years. My porn collection exploded when I learned what keywords to search for lol – it was such a wonderful, eye opening experience!
But then I got greedy… I saw the amount of money the company was making off of Me and I said “Fuck that!” I bought a domain name and started My own business. Now I run a similar company for My Domme friends who don’t have the time or energy to promote for themselves. It’s called Pretty Punk Princesses.
-When you found this was the lifestyle for you, how did your friends handle your choices?
MK: Most of them think it’s the coolest thing in the world and are envious that I can support Myself and live a pampered lifestyle while enjoying something I love.
-Was there anyone that cautioned you or suggested this wasn’t a good idea?
MK: Mom and Grandma, of course lol. I think they’re supposed to say that though. They were just worried about My safety.
-What have been the misconceptions of BDSM? And what’s the BIGGEST misconception you find to be a reoccurring theme?
MK: There are so many… That BDSM is abuse, that Domiatrixes are prostitutes, that certain fetishes are not real/not valid because the general populace (even in the BDSM community) doesn’t understand them… There’s just so many, and I truly wish people would research a little and work a little harder at understanding Our world, or at least adapt an, “I don’t get it, but it’s consensual and doesn’t effect Me so I don’t care” attitude.
One of the things you mentioned in your About Me section on your site you don’t require a tribute up front…why is this important to you and to your future subs?MK: BDSM, even in a strictly professional sense like I offer, is about communication. I want My potential subs to know that I am approachable and that it’s NOT all about the money for Me. I will happily answer a reasonable amount of questions regarding My likes, dislikes, limits, etc.
-I see you studied and graduated with a degree Psychology and hope to work on your Masters and also Nurse Practitioner. How has this helped you with sessions either live or cam?MK: It’s definitely helped Me in live sessions. I currently have a sub who wanted to do a roleplay scene where he was forced to suck My strapon. he slipped completely into subspace during our session and I had to sit with him for a little while after before he was able to drive himself home. he later emailed Me and told Me that he had a traumatic experience involving sexual assault from another male and was using BDSM play with Me to work through those feelings. Working together with him and drawing upon My knowledge of psychology and trauma recovery, we have gotten him to a much better place regarding his trauma.
-How can you tell if a person is not mentally ready to be submissive?MK: Definitely those who are argumentative and obstinate are easy to pick out pretty readily. There’s a difference in being a ‘brat’ or wanting to have control taken from you because that’s part of your fantasy or legitimately not being able to handle submission. I start slow and build from there. If you can’t handle the small, simple tasks, why would I trust you with the bigger, more involved, and occasionally dangerous ones?
-Was there ever a case you had to turn someone down from serving you? What suggestions did you give in order for a sub to improve?MK: Yes, there are many reasons I’ve turned subs down, but one in particular stands out in My mind. he approached Me years and years ago and did a session wherein he did some pretty intense stuff! I had posted the pictures and he had paid to get them down, as per our agreement, and that was that. But he contacted Me again in mid 2017 and said that he would like to be under consideration by Me. I told him sure, and gave him a few small tasks, some involving tributes and some not. He did well for about a month or two, even coming to Michigan to visit Me in My home city, but he quickly deteriorated after that.
This sub began messaging Me every day, several times a day. I informed him that I was dealing with some personal matters and it didn’t seem to matter to him. he continued with his obnoxious behavior of texting and Skype messaging Me all day every day. When I pointed out that his monthly tribute was due, he accused Me of being too absent and refused to pay, saying he was ‘disappointed in Me.’ I informed him that he was no longer under consideration by Me, and that he would need to work on improving his attitude and also work on being a better and more understanding submissive if he wanted to try again.
-You mentioned on your site your favorite fetishes are sissification, humiliation, blackmail, and financial domination. What are these different joys for you from these fetishes?MK: They’re all so enjoyable in so many ways! Sissification is wonderful, and My biggest joys are total transformation (as in, making My sissy passable as female in public) and chastity. I think I just get off on the control.
Humiliation isn’t so much about the control of the exterior as it is control of the person themself. If you can find what really makes a sub embarrassed and hit on that in your session, he won’t know what hit him! Plus it’s great to just verbally tear into someone and blow off steam.Blackmail, once again, is about control. Since I only live geographically in one area, I cannot possibly enjoy real submission and physical control over the subs who live far away. However, once I have them sign a blackmail contract and send Me compromising pictures an videos of themselves, they HAVE to do what I say. Of course, some of them get off on the humiliation of the exposure, but that’s just mixing two of My favorite fetishes into one ;3
Financial Domination is the fetish that gets Me going the most. I love the idea of someone being so devoted to Me that all they care about is making My life better in the most basic way. Money can’t buy you happiness, but everyone needs certain basic needs to be met in order to be happy. I could get that with any job using My degree, but to have a sub who wants Me not only to have My needs met, but to live like the Queen that he sees Me as is the best feeling.
But on top of that, financial domination can be mixed with ANY fetish. Some men find it humiliating to surrender their hard earned cash to Me. Some can’t even get a real Woman to pay attention to them without paying. What could be more humiliating than that? Some are so addicted to serving financially that they can’t even get an erection without paying. It’s mental chastity, and I love it!
-You mention on your site, money was the initial motivating factor, has this changed for you on a more personal level?MK: It’s honestly a bit of both. I definitely still get a great deal of enjoyment from the financial aspect, but I also am being fulfilled on a level that no other form of employment could offer. I don’t NEED the money anymore, but I like it. I want it. I’ve become a more empowered, confident, and beautiful person in general because of this ‘job.’
-Do you keep a personal blog (not for public consumption) in keeping details of sessions and how does that make you feel when looking back on your notes?
MK: I don’t really keep a personal blog. I prefer to share all of My exploits with My friends, coworkers, and fans so that everyone can live vicariously through Myself and My subs. I love looking back on the accounts, pictures, and videos of My old sessions. Some of them are painful to watch, I’ve grown and changed so much over the years! But most of them bring Me back to the feeling of power and Dominance that I had while enjoying that session in particular.
-Thoughts on Dominatrixes flaunting personal life (example, pictures of children, etc.) – should it be done, yes or no? Why?
MK: I think it’s a personal choice, and one that I fight with Myself on regularly. Over the years, Domme-Me has become more and more like the Me that I present in My personal life, but I’m always a little worried about letting some of My more fanatical subs get too close… I wouldn’t post pictures of My friends or family personally for that reason, but I don’t see anything wrong with anyone who does.
I am openly polyamorous both to My friends and family and to My subs, and My subs know My geeky hobbies and can even contribute to them via My wishlist. I don’t want to hide who I am, and I hate the idea of a Domme Persona being a costume that you put on because you’re ‘working.’ Instead, I want to use it as a way to express the Dominance that I love in a healthy way that won’t impact My personal relationships with friends and family.
-With the explosion of the internet and the social lifestyle of BDSM, how important is community support between Dommes?
MK: That’s a tough one. I would LOVE for the community to be one big huge Family, but that’s just not the case. I try to do My part by offering to mentor local new Girls, and sometimes it goes great! Unfortunately, more often I end up getting taken advantage of. I wish it were better than it is for sure.
-Domina bashing ye or nay?
MK: It’s not My cup of tea. I’ve had it directed at Me and defended Myself. I’ve made My opinions about certain actions in the Domme community not jiving with My way of thinking and doing things, but calling out individuals is just childish and uncalled for.
-How important is it in developing a strong social media presence in order to promote your business accordingly?
MK: It didn’t used to be, I’ll tell you that! But now? I think it’s one of the most important things. The only other things that I can think of which are more important to success are knowing your craft and putting in the time to be present and available to the sub community so that they can discover your own unique brand of Dominance.
-How important is anonymity for your client especially when Clips4Sale and IwantClips has become a viable business to promote your product and brand?
MK: It varies. Being a Blackmail Mistress, I have been known to put some very private information out there! However, if that’s not what the sub enjoys, I’m not going to do it. If a sub wants to film with Me, he has the option of wearing a mask or having his face digitally blurred out, and anyone who serves Me can choose (or have appointed to them) a slave name to keep them even more anonymous.
-How has EXXXOTICA, DomCon and other shows have helped your business?
MK: They have been great! I love EXXXOTICA in particular since I got to go with My metamor, Dom Mal, and experience all of the fun toys, shows, and meet the talent on the other end of the sex worker spectrum from Myself, as well as play with some fans.
-The best time in your life?MK: Probably My first cash point meet and the day I decided that I was okay (and even excited!) to being having men serve Me in person instead of just online.
-The worst time of your life?
MK: I have had some medical issues over the years, and at one point I was absent from Domming professionally for several months. I hated it, and I lost a lot of subs because I wasn’t around when they needed Me. It was the worst! Luckily, all of My medical issues are in remission and I’m a stronger person for having made it out the other side!
-Something you never want to experience again or may want to experience again?
MK: I know it’s bound to happen, but I hate ghosting. When a sub says they want to serve and you being to consider allowing them to be Yours and then they just disappear without a trace, without any excuse even… It’s the worst.
-Biggest pet peeve not relating to BDSM or Fetish?
MK: Entitlement. The world doesn’t owe anybody anything, so stop acting like it and work for it like the rest of Us!
-If you left the BDSM life tomorrow, what would you want slaves to remember most about what you taught them?
MK: You. Are. Not. Broken. All roleplaying, humiliation fetish, and fantasy aside, there is honestly nothing wrong with you. Allow yourself to enjoy what you enjoy. It’s not bad or wrong, and you’re not less of a person for doing what makes you happy, in and out of the bedroom.
-Advice to new ladies coming into the BDSM lifestyle?
MK: Find what makes you HAPPY and you will find what makes you money. If you don’t enjoy what you’re doing, if you’re just doing it for the paycheck, it’s not going to work. This is HARD WORK. I put in WELL over 40 hours a week, and I feel like I’m nowhere near as dedicated as some of the other Dommes I see out there. It’s not a quick buck or an easy fix. It takes dedication, research, compassion, and understanding.
MK: Find what makes you happy and do it, do hard, do it often, and do it with glee. Make every time feel like the first time. Don’t let negative thoughts or negative people hold you back from your true happiness.
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